Firstly, I should apologise for such a misleading title. It was a cheap trick to get you to click on the link. I don’t hate the North of England. Nor the North Pole. Nor walking in a northerly direction. What I hate (and I am aware hate is a strong word) is when people refer to anywhere north of London as “The North”.
I find this
expression interesting. You see, when you are in “The North”, you never hear
people refer to “The South”. People in “The North” use the names of places (at
least, the people I know do). London. Brighton. Southampton. Even if they don’t reference cities, they are
specific about what county they are referring to. Cornwall. Kent. Berkshire
(although I don’t really know where that is).
You see, there
is something in this generic expression for a huge chunk of the country that implies
a certain bigotry. In my mind, it’s like saying somebody is African rather than
Senegalese or Zambian. Just like Morocco is different from Malawi, Leeds is
different from Liverpool, Lincoln, Lancaster, and Leicester (which, contrary to
popular belief, doesn’t even count as “The North” in a "Northerner"’s books). I
know we’re talking about geographies of largely differing areas, but it’s
intriguing to me how people can be so consciously politically-correct when referring
to another continent, yet are willing to sweep a vast expanse of the their own
country under one non-specific phrase.
Of course,
there are times when it’s appropriate to say “Africa”. Or “The North”. Recently, however, I have been aware of an
appalling over-use of the phrase. Largely, this has been from my own boyfriend, but I am increasingly conscious of the number of people who show absolutely no grasp of the subtleties and
differences within “The North” itself.
For example,
how many of you knew that depending on where you come from in the North East,
you are known as either a Geordie, Mackem, Smoggie, Sand-Dancer or a
Monkey-Hanger? Certainly not one of my colleagues at school, who asks me every
holiday if I am going home to Durham. For those of you that don’t know, I went
to Durham University. But I am not from Durham. I am from Wetherby, which is a
small market town in Yorkshire, getting on for 100 miles south of Durham. I
have definitely told her this on numerous occasions. Thus, the assumption that
I should return ‘home’ to my University town can only be suggestive of a few
things. One possibility is that this colleague firmly believes that people in
“The North” only go to Universities in their home town – they are not brave
enough to venture any further afield. Alternatively, it might mean that she
doesn’t know the name of any other Northern towns (in which case she would get
bonus points for not using “The North”). Or perhaps she has heard that Durham
is a nice place, unlike most of “The North”, and therefore it is more than likely that I would just go there
and pretend it was my home for sh’iggles. Whichever it is, despite her
well-wishing small-talk, it’s bloody rude.
Perhaps I am
being over-sensitive, but it’s hard not to be a little emotionally hurt when people
hold such an oversimplified and gloriously uninformed view of your home.
The
emotional pain also comes when Boyfriend uses the phrase “The North” interchangeably
with another of his favourite generalisations - “The Provinces”. “Provinces” is
another interesting word. A quick flick through dictionary.com aligns it with words
such as “territory”, “governed” and “under jurisdiction”, but the key idea is
that it signifies areas “situated away from the capital or population centre”.
Within all of these definitions is a suggestion that the capital, in our case
London, is in some way superior to “The Provinces”. I know there are those of
you reading this that probably believe this is true. So let me tell you why
you’re wrong.
Certainly, London
has many fantastic things that Leeds does not. The underground. Free
museums. The Queen’s house. But, Leeds
also has many fantastic things that London does not. Vacant parking spaces. Pubs
where you can get a pint for £3. The Butterfly House at Tropical World.
Many of you will
go on to suggest that all of the important business happens in London. The
government? Fair enough. The banks? Fair enough. The flagship stores of our
biggest shops? Fair enough. But who elects the government? And where are the call-centres,
branches and the majority of banks’ customers situated (another perk of “The
North” – you can actually speak to cashiers outside of London without having to
wait three hours)? And how much money does a flagship store take versus all of
its stores in “The North”? Yes, London is a concentrated area of business, but
it’s easy to forget that much more exists elsewhere.
Which leads
onto my next point. Size. So often, we’re conditioned to believe that biggest
= best. In which case, the size of
London surely secures its superiority. But the problem is, in bunching together
“The North”, you’re actually creating a super-power much larger than the measly
8 million people who live in the capital. Yeah, you didn’t see that coming, did
you?
But there’s
still another argument I have to quash.
Boyfriend’s
most frequent claim is that “London is
just better!” What’s key here is
that the word “better” is subjective. It is an opinion. Not a fact. So in
claiming that your own home is “better” (rather than simply “different”) than another area of the country, you are being ever-so-slightly insensitive and more-than-slightly
arrogant.
So next time
any of you end up talking to a “Northerner” about “The North”, show them (and yourself) some respect. Nobody’s expecting you to visit Hull or anything, but you
could at least educate yourself a little and spare us the generalised gags about flat-caps,
ferrets and racing pigeons.
Oh, and the
accents. Don’t EVER attempt our accents.
